Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
