I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
