are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
