Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
