its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
