WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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