I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
