i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize