we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I supernannyed him into submission
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
