the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
