Already got asked if we're dating
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
