I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
