That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize