Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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