I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
