The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
