ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
