I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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