If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
