I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
