So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
