I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
