ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
