The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
