life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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