My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
