I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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