I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
