Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
