we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
