At least make sure they are 18
Why
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
