names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
