We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
