it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
