I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
