Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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