My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
