Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
