So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
