Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
