i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
