So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
