Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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