my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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