Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
