i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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