I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
