I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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