I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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