well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
