i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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