found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
