I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize