spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
