So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
