Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
no, he came in my armpit
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
