i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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