so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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