By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
