Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
