So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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