we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
