I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
