She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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