opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
