Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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