Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
