Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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